Advice and suggestions on parenting after divorce often focus on what not to do. Even a divorce lawyer would advise on keeping the child out of the personal conflict. However, constructive parenting should be more about providing the kids an ideal environment to grow up, especially after the parents’ separation. The idea is also to give your children equally close relationships with both of you. Here are some tips on co-parenting after divorce.
Quality of time spent matters
In spite of the feelings of insecurity engendered after the divorce, you still have a fair amount of control over your relationship with your child. The number of hours spent with your child is not more important than the quality of bonding. Do not force a 50-50 split of time by both parents.
Support the other parent
Regardless of what your separate ways might be, the common goal as far as the kid goes is, to ensure healthy parentage. Avoid badmouthing the other parent, especially in front of the child. If you have kids, it is a good idea to look up a reputed divorce lawyer, and part ways amicably.
Separate feelings from behavior
It is natural to be hurt, but feelings need not determine your behavior. Avoid venting it out to your child, and instead talk to therapists, friends, or even your pet. While you’re having a divorce, even a divorce lawyer can make a good listener. Try breathing exercises and maintain an active exercise schedule.
Have consistent rules for both homes
This is a very basic foundation to successful co-parenting after a divorce. Your children will resent it at first, but they still need routine and discipline. Settle on the same time for meals and completing chores in both households. This is important especially for young children, since they need predictability and a sense of security.
Keep your interactions professional and kid-focused
The test of agreeable personal communication between you and your former spouse begins with raising your child post-separation. If you find it difficult to get along with them, adopt a business-like tone for your communication. This will be fairly easy, as your interactions will be short in the beginning.
Find ways to cope with missing your children
The first few months after the divorce will be particularly hard. When your kid is not with you, use the time to visit your friends; and get the much-needed rest. Avoid interfering in the other parent’s time with the child. You can instead talk to them via online video sessions or send occasional text messages. Another good way is to engage them in online games where the two of you can play remotely.
Deal with visitation refusal in a mature manner
It can get heartbreaking and even frustrating at times when the kid refuses to leave the other parent for you. The reason could be anything, from you not paying enough attention, or being harsh with discipline. It is also necessary to give the child their own time to get comfortable with the demands of joint custody. You can also consult your divorce lawyer on getting permanent custody of the child.