It took you a long time (maybe months or years) to make up your mind, but now it’s decided. You want to end this marriage and move on in life. Maybe you already talked to a divorce lawyer to understand the implications of your decision. But how will you break the news to your spouse? Well, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to this problem. You need to find a way that works best for your situation. If you are not sure how to tell your spouse you want a divorce, the following tips may help you.
Consider a few things
Before you break the news, consider a few things. Is your spouse completely unaware of your decision? Is she equally unhappy about this relationship? Do you think she is already expecting the news? Did you talk to her about getting a divorce earlier? Or maybe you’re afraid the news will catch her by surprise. How do you think she’ll react? How will the news affect her emotionally? Knowing where your spouse possibly stands on the above questions would help you mentally prepare yourself before breaking the news. At this stage, you may even talk to some of your close friends and seek their suggestions.
Choose the time and place right
You said, “There is nothing called a perfect time and place to announce the divorce news.” You are right; however, you cannot break the news anytime and anywhere. Both of you should get enough time to discuss after you break the news. For instance, you can announce the news at the start of a weekend, so that your spouse gets enough time to digest it. Also, make sure that your kids are not around when you tell her. Choosing an appropriate place is also important. For instance, if you expect violent reactions from your partner, consider taking her outside to a lonely place for breaking the news.
Be direct but gentle
How you behave when announcing the news can make a big difference. If she has no clue about what you’re going to tell her, you can expect some natural outburst of emotions in the beginning. Be prepared to handle this calmly. Even if she gets angry or abuses you, it is important that you respond to her calmly. Instead of blaming her for the situation, tell her that it is unfortunate. At the same time, you should be firm with your decision. She should know that you’ve already made up your mind.
Avoid discussing legal matters
At this stage, you should not discuss anything about separation of assets, custody, or other legal matters with your spouse. Talking about legal matters without first consulting with your divorce lawyer may backfire. Understand that you took your time to decide on the divorce, but your spouse did not get enough time. So give her adequate time to first deal with the emotional consequences. You can discuss the legal matters later. Meanwhile, do not forget to contact a reliable lawyer who knows the divorce laws inside out and has years of experience in the field.