Ryan (we don’t disclose the real name) came for help last week, disturbed, confused and sad, said he needed counseling. Like all other men pretending they’re the best in all acts, he never thought of any assistance or marriage counseling, unless he saw his wife leaving.
“I wasn’t expecting her to leave like that”, he said, “I know I’m too average of a guy to spend a life with, but still, we have kids and we both love them”. Ryan said that his wife had already told him a month before that she wanted separation, but he wasn’t aware that she was so serious about it.
Ryan is one of those husbands who put off their wives’ requests. Instead of consulting a divorce lawyer singapore immediately, they ignore how important it is to maintain relationships, or rather wait for things to get worse. In fact, most of them have in mind that things were never too bad for such extreme measures.
“I have a business and 2 kids to take care”, Ryan said, “How am I supposed to get time for counseling?” he added. Well, there’s a plenty of time now, Ryan. According to him, he wasn’t ready for it, didn’t have any idea how unhappy his wife was. He said, “It’s still hard to imagine my relationship is about to break”. He did mention a few things he wanted to improve upon.
His statement, “She thinks I yell too much at her” means he doesn’t know if that’s obvious. What he was certain about is, change his defensive behavior.
So, what are Ryan’s options to save his marriage? Was he too late to react, or is there any hope?
Although, his wife returned after a week’s stay at her friend’s, she came back just for kids. And she returned with a firm mind, to discuss what to do with property and who should take care of kids.
IS IT OVER THEN? NO!
These are few things Ryan can still do to save his marriage.
STOP FIGHTING IMMEDIATELY
As Ryan’s wife has already taken the first step of leaving the family for a week, both of the spouses have calmed down a bit by now. While it’s a normal thing to get tensed if someone, even your loved one, remains constantly present, and bad intentions always lead to worst case scenario. By vacating her place, Ryan’s wife not only created a space for him to think deep about his behavior, she also indicated how important her presence was for him and other family members.
Understandably, Ryan would take immediate measures to resolve conflict. So, he would insist his wife to attend marriage counseling. But that’s not going to help either, as his wife has already made up her mind to get separated. The best way is to give space and make her realize that things are not as bad as she conceives. With the passage of time, she’ll realize how they can resolve their issues with mutual understanding.
If you think your wife is going through emotional stress and tension, better assess your behavior and refer to family lawyer for marriage counseling.