There has been a significant improvement in 2014, in terms of marriages in Singapore. Also, the divorce rates have declined. It’s a good sign that the spouses are more inclined towards sustaining their relationships. Support groups, marriage counselors and family lawyers must have played their roles in getting such results.
Anyhow, what if a person living with his spouse for 20 years, suddenly decides to hire a divorce lawyer to call off the marriage? What caused him to take such a step?
A Singapore based living in Sydney eventually decides to divorce his wife, after 20 years of marriage. The family shifted in Sydney 5 years ago due to the work assignment of female spouse. Husband however, kept shuttling to Singapore during all those years, basically to meet his daughter who’s now turned 18.
According to the husband, one of the major marriage failure was long absences from each other. As both the spouses were dwelling in their own world, cracks in relationship began to show up and get stronger with the passage of time.
The husband talks about taking his wife to Europe six months after getting married. He was transferred to Belgium for a training course. Perhaps, she was not getting proper time as he was quite busy in his training. But that wouldn’t have been a problem if both of them had talked about it.
One of the major causes of weak relationship was deafening silence between the two. They didn’t talk to each other for weeks as their marriage was slowly moving towards separation.
THE EFFORT TO REPRIEVE MARRIAGE
Couple’s move to Sydney was a way to strengthen marriage by escaping from tough work culture in Singapore. Did that work? No.
Communication between the two was still too weak. To add to that, his frequent visits to Singapore and long absences gave his wife a reason to believe that they should get separated.
SEPARATION – THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS DIVORCE
The couples have spent two years in separation now. Husband thinks separation always leads to divorce. It’s actually a time given to spouses to think about divorce, instead of thinking about the weaknesses in marriage. The longer the time spent in separation, the harder it is to get back together as the spouses have learnt to lead their own lives.
This made the husband realise it’s better to relieve each other by ending their marriage andcommon perceptions of divorce do not apply to them. He is likely to contact his family lawyer of which he has already told his wife. He thinks there is no one to blame as both of them are responsible for divorce.
- The relationship based on silence and poor communication always ends sooner, than the ones in which couples express their emotions.
- Marriage without emotion is not logical. By keeping quiet, couples actually show that they care less about each other.
- While separation gives time for couples to think ways to resolve issues, here it affected their marriage negatively.
- During the whole married life, the couple never thought of marriage counseling which would have helped them learn how to improve their relationship.
All in all, silence, lack of understanding and lack of expression have been the main causes of divorce in this particular marriage.