People undergoing divorces have a hard time keeping emotions and impulsive responses to emotionally challenging situations, in check. Even today, a majority of people file for divorces only after putting up too much abuse, character assassination, and inequality.
As a result, the bitterness and vengeance make them prone to falling into certain traps that seriously impede their healing. While some take to overspending and abusing alcohol and other substances, others isolate themselves completely and refuse to even take the help of a divorce lawyer. Here is how to identify and deal with such traps.
Stressing over the future
Even though it is natural to feel anxious about what the coming time holds. However, too much stress can be paralyzing, and can damage your independence. People often worry about finances, taking care of their children, shifting base to a new place, and so on. Write your worries down to remind yourself that you have no control over them. Join a support group, or consult your divorce lawyer over the concerns of the immediate future. Instead of stressing about finances, get down to actually planning them.
Indulging in self-pity
Often, people are reluctant to admit that they are indulging in self-pity, telling themselves it’s other emotions. Self-pity can appear in various forms—isolating yourself out of fear, blaming your spouse for the circumstances, and so on. Remember that self-pity turns the individual into a victim, keeping you from making any progress. Start by recognizing your own faults in the breakdown of the marriage. Tell yourself that it is impossible to be perfect, and whether you could have reacted in a better way at times.
Harboring low self-esteem
While not admitting your faults in the divorce is uncalled for, it has to stop at a point of time. Growing out of pain is all about letting go, and brooding on guilt and remorse is not healthy. This can engender feelings of low self-esteem and worthlessness. Get it done and over with by sending any apologies you have to your ex. It is alright to give vent to your feelings and cry because denying sadness is a vicious trap.
Hurrying into wrong relationships
Experts suggest that you should wait for at least 6 months after a divorce, before getting into another relationship. If you still have anger and dissatisfaction from your marriage, dating is not for you just as yet. Moreover, you need time to figure out your expectations from future relationships. While socializing is important, jumping into the dating game can be messy, and you could actually end up alienating your children. They are sensitive and need your attention and care.
Trying too-hard to be a proactive parent
It is an easy trap to fall into. A good divorce lawyer may have made it easy for you to attain complete custody, but hoping to be a super-parent is futile. Parents often tend to think that being too permissive is the right way to compensate for their share of faults in the breakdown of the family. This is unhealthy, as trying to be the perfect parent is exhausting, unreal, and unconvincing. Your children need to see the real you, and you need to take care of yourself as well.